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Her book has little to say about anything and is in fact rather Buddhist in outlook, encouraging a very passive approach to life's problems. It's true that if you stop beating yourself up about things life becomes slightly easier, but to constantly repeat to yourself the mantra "my life is not bad, my life is not bad" takes some of the impetus towards change away. For example, those with painful diseases suffer more than those of us who are in good health. Actually normal people don't divorce even once, let alone three times. Byron Katie does not offer anything very new or radical even to all those New Age gurus.
First Byron Katie has been divorced three times. Secondly, normal people are not alcholics and most people do not struggle with an addiction the way she has. In this life we all suffer, some suffer more than others and some less. There isn't anything even slightly, well, sexy, in her books, like silly Elizabeth Gilbert with all her focus on herself and running off to exotic locales because she couldn't bear to have a baby. Byron Katie's book has intrigued a lot of people yet I would take issue with the fact that she is a 'normal' person who has somehow discovered the meaning of life, contained in four questions that wafted their way into her brain when she woke up in a half-way house.
Those high divorce statistics are partly because some people like Byron Katie keep getting divorced. Yes, the old adage, "Two men looked out from prison bars, one saw mud, the other saw stars" is true, but this would be a very bland life if one's entire philosophy could be boiled down to the fact that what happens in our life depends entirely on how we look at it.
The techniques suggested in this book are helping me to address and reduce life-long reactions of frustration, anger, sadness, etc.
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But thats the reality. I have introduced it to my brilliant mother and she could not grasp it. what a wonderfully orchestrated misery was I living in - day in day out :) did I get rid of every issue i had. do you feel the intensity of that. And in this case "brutal" reality is that people cheat. but i'm looking forward to every upset in my future to do the work on it. oh, what amazingly ridiculous future stories I created, the sad past events that I have relieved every day.
Looking back to my life just few weeks ago - I burst out laughing. to me a better formulated question is "whats the reality of that statement.". so I cant even take my negative emotions seriously anymore - they are funny. To me, the question is not asking "is this right or wrong." it asks "look at the reality - what is it."for example: "my partner is not supposed to cheat". it's just is what is. so ask the right question. reality = people cheat.
living is so much fun :) and don't try to "drop" the thought. is it true. it might hurt when you see that parents do not understand,that lover cheat, that loved ones die etc. yeah, it's upsetting (initially). now, when i get (rarely) upset, sad, angry there is instantly a little voice in my head saying "YAY. But everything clicked when I understood what the work is asking.
plain and simple. She had a very difficult time separating the concept of "truth" from "right and wrong", (as i did initially as well.). it drops by itself once your inquiry is done. turn around. something wonderful happens. yes it's hurtful and annoying.
of course not. reality = monogamy is rare in nature. inquire. And believe me - this is a huge statement coming from the biggest skeptic of self help propaganda. let the reality to sink in.
judgment, binge eating, insecurities, guilt, tears, fights. oh this anger/jealousy/sadness is so AWESOME - can't wait to do the work.". reality = Always have, always willreality = some people do, some don't. When you separate "what is right and wrong" with "lets look at the reality, no matter how upsetting/disturbing/contradicting to our beliefs it is", let it sink in and inquire. and start living.
This book has changed my life in the course of few weeks. It is perhaps not for everyone. The work is not asking - "do I think it's wrong or right for my partner to cheat.", it's not the question of morality, of values, of beliefs.
I've only done "The Work" three times, but in each instance, the removal of pain, the perspective it gave me, the complete change in how I viewed the person and the situation -- and the return of my serenity -- all of these felt miraculous.
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